Thank Heavens for Little Girls.

Over the past eleven years that my husband and I have been raising children we have often been told little children come with little problems, and big children come with big problems, so enjoy them while they are young.  I must admit that I have often looked forward to when they would be more independent  and not needing me to be watching over them every minute.    My oldest is getting closer to her teen years and  I'm anticipating  the next few years to seem something like a roller coaster ride.   M is great.  She can be very reliable and helpful.  She is often my rock and a great support especially because Prince Charming travels so much for work.    I know I expect a lot from her and she rarely lets me down. I guess that is why  when she has moments of immaturity and selfishness I do not handle it well.  Nothing gets me more fired up than when M argues with me. She'll ask me for something and if I don't feel like it is a good idea she will argue with me and beg and plead until I have to just walk away in exasperation so that I don't wind up smacking her.   I've have been amazed at how many people lately, including strangers, have commented about how their teenage daughter is always arguing with them.  I'm glad to hear it.  That way I know that my daughter and I are not the only ones.   I know that I have to deal with it patiently and calmly and not take it personally.  But nothing makes me simmer faster than when I hear the words "but mom".  The teenage years are going to be quite a ride.  I guess all I can do is throw my hands into the air, try not to scream too loudly or too often, and enjoy the ride.

What is normal anyway?

What does it mean to be a "normal" family?  I think I grew up in a pretty normal family.  Nobody ever did anything too shocking or outrageous.  Mostly, we spent our time trying to blend in, not stand out too much. Therefore I felt it was a given that I would raise a pretty normal family. Well, some days I think we are all pretty whacked.  Dealing with issues from seven different personalities is exhausting.  I have one child who suffers from insomnia, bedwetting and anxiety. Another 4 year old child who likes to where princess dresses and pretend he is Anastasia.  Another child who is always so loud and intense. He loves to discuss inappropriate words and topics and feels it is his duty to tell us how "horrible his life is" every day.  I often have labels running through my head such as ADD, ADHD, Autistic tendencies, OCD, etc, etc. I'm  trying to decide if my children need medical help or if this is all "normal" childhood behaviour.  I don't know if it is a stage they will grow out of or if they need extra help.   One day I was venting to my mother and I said that I wished my children could just be normal.  Her reply was that "this is normal, every one has issues that they need to deal with." I guess these quirks are what make us unique.  They help us grow into adults with different experiences and gifts that have been developed through the challenges we faced as children.   Our trials either make us or break us.  As a mother raising five children,  my greatest prayers are that they will pull through their challenges and become stronger.  I pray that I do not mess them up by not knowing how to properly nurture them through. I imagine them later in life  telling their shrink that their mother didn't understand them.   I know the challenges that many people face are much greater than mine  and I think if I had to choose I would choose my trials anytime.    I still don't have the right answers.  Some days one thing works and the next it doesn't. But yes, we are as normal as any other crazy family is and I love it.  

Some days I truly agree that women are from Venus, and men are from Mars.  The way men and women communicate is so convoluted it's enough to make us want to pull our hair out.  This last week my Prince Charming and I have had two conversations that went down hill fast.  Both failed because he said something "jokingly" and I got sensitive and took it personally.  Recently he replied to a comment I made "as such a girl way of thinking".  He didn't say it derogatorily, just an observation.  His comment made me think that maybe our gimped communication skills aren't a reflection of  something wrong in our relationship but just a common difference of point-of-view.  Some times I imagine a trip to a female marriage counselor who would inevitably tell him that I was right and he was wrong.  But, then again, maybe she and I would both be wrong.    I know that I'm not always right and he knows that he is not always right and it doesn't matter anyways.  I remember when  we first got married it felt like we  were on a roller coaster.  There were times when we felt so happy together we felt like we were flying high.  But then we would hit low times when we were quite irritated with each other and all I wanted was my mother.   As the years have gone by the highs and lows have evened out. Thankfully we ride the highs more often and for much longer than the lows.  Maybe we have learned to not linger in the lows and we try to find ways to forgive and forget.  It doesn't mean that the issues and irritations are solved. Only, that they are not going to ruin us. That our happily ever after will always take a little nurturing and a constant recommitting to each other. We are the bond in our family that started it all. Our love makes it all work, and our family is worth the work.

Balance

Everyone says that life is about balance.  All work and no play makes for a very cranky mom, that you have to pick your battles - sometimes I feel like I am in a balancing act at the Shrine Circus. Trying to balance a family can be very exhausting. This summer one of the biggest challenges I had was getting my kids to get out and go play.  Living in a moderate home in the city my kids have been well trained up till this point to not go too far and stay where I can see them.  We built a good strong fence to keep them in and danger out. Well, now that they are getting older I'm at the point that I want them to  GET LOST - but "stay together and be smart and let me know where you are going and when you'll be back and watch out for your little brother......."  Needless to say they didn't go far and there were times that I was going crazy with them under foot.  It's hard to balance between wanting to give them freedom but be close by to protect them, to be there to help them with all they need but to teach them to be independent.  So it is with trepidation that  I let my children just go and do.  A couple of days ago I was outside watching my three boys and their friend run out into the middle of the road and strategically place crab apples on the asphalt so that the cars would squash them as they went by.  My first instinct was to  tell them to stay off of the road - a responsible parent thing  to do.  I held back.  I watched carefully to make sure they were being careful  but I saw the anticipation in their eyes, hoping that their apple would be the one splattered all over the road.  It took a number of attempts to rearrange the apples into just the right pattern across the road, with many disappointing drive by s.  As I watched them set their trap and then run back to the side walk to wait for the next vehicle I saw a city bus head down the street. The boys crouched down for a closer look, and as the bus sailed by I saw four looks of exhilaration  accompanied by unified "yeah's"  as the  doomed apples were crushed into sauce.  A simple victory brought them such great joy and they couldn't wait to do it again.  Way more fun than Super Mario Cart Wii.  So was it risky? Yes.  Will I let them do it again? Probably not.  But I had to let them try it once, I still remember what it was like to be a kid.

The magnificient seven!

Hello world.  This is my family, a rough looking bunch.  This is what can happen after you fall in love, after the romantic engagement and after the elaborate wedding.  This is the Happily Ever After.  We are a happy family that have learned that happiness comes from hard work,  patience, trust, faith, and love.  I hope to share some  happy and not so happy moments with you to show that dreams can come true, families can be forever and there is such a thing as happily ever after.